"My childhood was destructive," says Jal, 28. "It stresses me when I share my story, but it's a responsibility now. A lot of Sudanese have the same story, and they are quiet. If I testify, I might prevent another kid from losing his childhood."
Jal is testifying on three fronts. His major-label debut, WARchild, chronicles Jal's journey in a blunt rap diary. He's the focus of the upcoming War Child documentary, winner of the Cadillac Award at New York's Tribeca Film Festival. And an autobiography, Warchild: A Boy Soldier's Story, is due in early 2009 from St. Martin's Press.
Soaking up the sun in the backyard of his publicist's hilltop home, the lanky, dreadlocked Jal could be any rising rapper, except that his vivid tales of brutality are all too real. The title track and Forced to Sin offer harrowing details of his war-torn youth, including his temptation "to eat the rotten flesh of my comrade" when fellow child soldiers resorted to cannibalism after escaping the rebel army.
"I don't take modern hip-hop as real," says Jal, whose tune 50 Cent appeals to the rap icon for a ceasefire on violent lyrics that glamorize thug life. "It's entertaining, it's fake, like James Bond. If you really kill, you don't want to talk about it."
Jal's ordeal began at age 7, when his father sent him, along with thousands of children, to the Ethiopian bush to train with the Sudan People's Liberation Army, in combat with government forces since 1983. Jal did not resist."A seed was planted in me," he says. "I lived in war. Our village got burned, and I thought the world was ending with these loud bombs and houses burning and people screaming. My grandmother and uncle were beaten almost to death. When I saw my mom beaten and my auntie raped, a feeling of hatred was developing inside me."
On the treacherous walk to the training ground, several children fell prey to wild animals or drowned crossing rivers. Boot-camp conditions weren't much better.
"I was beaten until I was dizzy," Jal says. "I remember thinking, 'If I finish this training, I'm going to kill the trainer.' We were made hard. But I was happy to join. My desire was to kill as many Arabs as possible."
After a year of training and five years of fighting, an exhausted Jal and about 400 "lost boys" deserted the army, fleeing across Sudan's parched landscape with a meager supply of maize.
"When the food got finished, we depended on snails, snakes and rats," he says. "Soldiers too weak to hunt were forced to eat bodies."
Most succumbed to enemy attacks, disease, starvation and suicide. Only 16 survived.
Jal was spotted dragging a machine gun through the dirt at a refugee camp by British aid worker Emma McCune, who found the 13-year-old's tale heartrending and smuggled him to Nairobi.
"I thought, 'OK, this is an opportunity to be a better soldier. I'll learn to fly, steal a plane from the air force in this white woman's country, come back and kill these Arabs,' " Jal says. "That's being a kid. Luckily, things changed."
Jal's attitude shifted as a normal routine reduced flashbacks of his life in the killing fields. When he drew graphic scenes of dismembered villagers, McCune introduced him to cartoons, "so I started drawing hippos."
McCune's death in a car crash six months after rescuing Jal was a devastating setback.
"My life was crushed," says Jal, who was aided by McCune's friends. "So I started going to church and singing in the choir. Love let me heal. Letting go of my hatred for Muslims helped the most. And music was therapy."
Jal began dabbling in rap, and one of his home demo tapes got regional airplay, leading to a record deal. In 2005, single Gua ("peace" in his native Nuer) won global attention and an invitation for Jal to perform at the Live 8 benefits. "That was the beginning of the end of poverty in my life," says Jal, who relocated to London to pursue music full time. "I started supporting myself."
He began performing widely, and his music appeared on benefit albums War Child: Help! A Day in the Life and Instant Karma, as well as in the film Blood Diamond and TV's ER.
A spokesman for Make Poverty History, Jal hopes someday to build a school in McCune's name to rehabilitate child soldiers. He sees little hope for ending the genocide in Darfur until multiple nations pressure Sudan's leaders.
"Wars are made by rich people to kill poor people," he says. "The wealthiest Sudanese don't know what war is. Their children are safe in school." He grins. "But I don't want the wealthy to hate me, because I'm going to join them soon."
Jal cracks jokes to cope. He has never seen a psychiatrist and still struggles with nightmares.
"The killing and stealing I did in war, I can justify with what happened in my home," he says. "I don't feel guilty, but I'm haunted. I used to say, 'Why didn't I die?' Now I know I'm here to tell my story."
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